I stole this idea from my friend, Ashley, a reporter for the AP and fellow word nerd. Each year, she chooses a word to represent what she wants and needs, what she hopes for in the coming months. It's part mantra, part prayer, and part touchstone. On Christmas Eve, over cookies and ginger tea, she invited me to think it over. A new year in a single word.
The whole idea intrigued me: I've never been good at following any of the countless and pointless resolutions I've made. They are a series of broken or forgotten promises made to myself or the universe or to no one in particular. By the dawn of spring, I'd barely even remember them. So, her idea stuck with me: instead of a resolution, maybe I could just pick a defining word and see how it goes. After careful thought, I have chosen my word.
Free.
2011 was a monster and it nearly ate me alive. I escaped, somehow, but my wounds have barely healed. My heart was broken; my skin was burned. My mind was stretched and torn in a manner that I haven't felt in recent history. (But, then again, show me a writer that wasn't a bit tattered around the edges. Sometimes, I think writers are destined for these sorts of bouts of agony... lest we forget how to bleed on the page.) But, all of the hurt is a thick chain wound around me. And I know that I am the only one who can undo the binding. I have to choose to set myself free in the months ahead.
Free.
Where I once longed for the blue horizon, I am now walking towards it and I can feel my body breaking into a run. I cannot allow my fears and my worries to keep me rooted in quicksand any longer. Life is much too short for that. I have to believe anything is possible now - I have to believe I can find a quiet peace within myself. Maybe, as long as I can embrace this second chance, just maybe I will finally become the best version of myself.
Free.
These days and months ahead, my eyes will be clearer. My heart will mend. I will walk in the sun. Alone or in a crowd, I will not get lost anymore. Stronger, faster, happier, and centered: this year, I will be free to be me.
Free.
These days and months ahead, my eyes will be clearer. My heart will mend. I will walk in the sun. Alone or in a crowd, I will not get lost anymore. Stronger, faster, happier, and centered: this year, I will be free to be me.
Atta girl. :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great plan!
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine is reading your collection of short stories about the Eastern Shore. She was so impressed with it she wanted to research the author and called me to me about this web site because I too barely survived 2011. I think you and your friend have hit on a great idea having the single word becoming as you say 'Part Mantra, Part Prayer,Part Touchstone'.Kudos, Ladies, for helping another person sensitive word nerd try to make sense of what is happening or happened this past year.If it is alright, I will borrow your word for my own because it is exactly what resounds in my soul too right about now. Thanks for writing, keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteAnon - First, I want to sincerely thank you for leaving this note. 2011 was a difficult year for many of us and I can only hope that 2012 holds much more promise and a greater sense of peace and happiness. Please take the word "free" and make it your own. If I learned anything in that last year, it is this: our souls deserve to be free and we are the only ones who can make that happen. Thank you for visiting my blog - I hope you will come back. And always feel free to leave a note. I wish you the very best in the months ahead.
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